I for one have been guilty of it. Have you? What I am referring to is asking the dreaded question, “Are you going to try for baby number 2 or anymore kids?” It really is up to the family and the individual if they want 1, 2, 3 or more kids. Some people have issues when it comes to having children so asking this question might cause stress and angst and it is best avoided.
In The Sydney Morning Herald today there is an article about The baby number 2 question, and it got me thinking. I have been asked this very question by a variety of people, sales assistants, waitresses, other mums, men and other family members. As I have an instant two children I am fine that we have enough at the moment. However there is a part of me that would like another one, however we are not at the point that we can accommodate a new baby.
Our place is small with no storage; the twins sleep in a small room and will eventually need to move to the room where we have the study and spare bed. Our study would need to move to the small room that the girls are currently in and then no room for guests or anything really. Currently we are in dilemma about what to do with some furniture to have this move happen, both hubby and I are unsure what to do with these pieces so the move has not occurred.
I must say that it would be nice to have another baby but if it does never happen I am thankful and very grateful that I got twins first go. It was and is a blessing and has been so wonderful having the girls. When they are nice and behaving which is most of the time they are a delight, however there are those times where I think why would I want another baby my girls are so all over the place and an extra would just add to the chaos. Although I do think that one extra would not cause that much extra work as I did do two at once so if I had one it would be easier than dealing with two babies at the same time. I know it is just a thought and currently it will remain until we can figure things out to make it viable and if we decide we want to do it at all.
Maybe by the time we come round to the idea we might be over it and too old to worry or do anything about it. So then decision made. As I said, we are very happy with our wonderful girls. So in regards to the more kid’s question, we are thinking about it but at the moment we are happy with our lot in life. I will do as Kasey Edwards suggested in the The baby number 2 question article and not ask anyone unless they bring it up. It is a personal issue and who knows what someone’s circumstances are, I don’t want to cause upset or pain.
Has someone asked if you are going to have any more kids? Has this upset you? Why is it their business?
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MelanieNovember 26, 2012
Hmm. I don’t get offended as such, but it depends on how the question is asked. Occasionally, this question seems loaded with judgement. I’m not sure if this is something I project onto it, but when I’m asked to defend my reasons for not actively wanting for more than one child, it feels like this person (who generally has a minimum of three) is implying in their response that I don’t enjoy being a mother as much as they do. Particularly when people say things like “Oh? Why wouldn’t you having any more?”. I don’t feel like it’s actually the business of every stranger I meet to ask me that.
This is pretty much the adult equivalent to a child asking ‘why’ over and over again, but replaced with ‘when’. When you’re single, when are you going to meet someone. When you’re dating, when are you getting married. When you’re married, when are you having children? When you one child, when are you having more? When you have a small tribe of offspring, when are you going to think about your career again? Essentially, the only time people stop asking ‘when’ of you is when you’re old enough that the only ‘when’ question left is ‘when are you going to die’, and that’s socially impolite/difficult to determine.
I’m personally not having more children because my partner and I fell pregnant when I was 27 and at uni. He was also at uni. We aren’t in the financial position to have more children, and by the time we are, I don’t feel I’ll be at an age I’ll want to start all over again. This seems like a mouthful of explanation to give strangers, so instead I just smile and say “I don’t know, when the time is right.” Because this is the only explanation people accept.
Cybele @ BlahBlahNovember 26, 2012
Great post. It’s funny, because I only have one kid and I can only remember being asked once by a stranger.
I am finding it really hard to decide whether to pop another one. Weighing up the needs of all the existing family members with the benefits of a new one is really hard.
Ps. Lovely to meet you x
SuzanneNovember 26, 2012
Hi Cybele, it was lovely to meet you also and thanks for your comment. It is a hard decision but it is one that is up to you and has to fit in with you, your family and lifestyle.